75 Stress Management Tips

75 Stress Management Tips

1. Listen to yourself. Often emotional stress comes from our internal dialog. For instance; have you ever caught yourself saying something like; I need to do something about this right now? The words "need to" and "right now" should jump out at you, and be challenged. Try changing "need to" to "would like to" and "right now" to "soon". This will reduce unnecessary urgency in your thoughts.

2. Chronic anger is the most destructive, stressful emotion that we have, and I emphasize chronic. For example; getting mad at the kids when they behave badly is normal; staying mad at them is abnormal and destructive to both you and them.

3. Practice granular thinking rather than holistic thinking. Holistic thought; I failed the job interview. I am a failure. Granular thought; I didn't do well at the job interview. Just because I failed the interview does not make me a failure. The effect here is to reduce the impact. The job interview is just one thing in your life and not a measure of your personal worth.

4. Learn to downgrade catastrophes. For example; if I walk all the way across the dance floor to ask her to dance and she turns me down, I will die. I know you don’t mean that literally, but your mind doesn’t. We are often very simplistic, literal thinkers under stress. Down grade "die" to "feel bad for a few minutes".

5. List all of the awfulizing words or phrases that you habitually use. A few examples; must have, can't stand it, failure, must do, must be. You have your own favorites (we all do) and those are the ones that are important for you to change. Find substitutes that are less dramatic and start using them.

6. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Hating someone because of real or imagined harm they have directed at you, hurts you, not them and adds an element of emotional stress to your life that you can do without.

7. In a stressful encounter, begin your sentences with I instead of you. You are an expert about your own feelings, not about someone else’s.

8. You have many hidden agendas. In dealing with a difficult issue, write about it, talk to a friend, do whatever you have to do get your full agenda out in the open. This may seem too revealing, but the stress units saved are well worth the momentary feeling of vulnerability.

9. There are a few invulnerable men and women walking around, but you (and I) are not one of them. Trying to maintain an aura of invincibility is a very stressful activity that takes a huge amount of energy. There is nothing quite as disarming as the phrase; that hurts my feelings. Besides the actual non-truth of being invincible (and trying to maintain that façade) makes you the target of every sharp shooter within reach. And what do you think being a target does for your emotional stress level?

10. Laugh. Think of all of the ridiculous, petty things that you harbor between your ears, in your so-called computer, and realize many of them are nothing more than humorous. Stand back and grin or out-right laugh at yourself every once and a while. Very few things are more stress-relieving than a good belly laugh.

11. Most of the crises that we stress-out over will never happen.

12. Loss of control is at the heart of the stress associated with pain and illness. But in fact you do have control; it is just different, now.

13. Practice changing the focus of your thoughts. When we are stressed we often go on a binge blaming someone or something "out there". The thoughts may run something like; if only he would stop yelling at me, I could do this. For one thing, change "yelling" to "talking" even if he is actually speaking in a loud voice. Then try this; when he talks to me in that voice, I have trouble hearing what he is saying. However, I am sure that I can learn a better way of dealing with his behaviour. This is recognizing that you can do something about you and probably nothing about him. It is refocusing from him to you; the central actor in your personal life drama.

14. It is generally impossible to be angry while you are laughing, but there is an important exception; some laughter is sadistic and thrives on anger. Avoid this at all costs.

15. Sometimes we have the belief that holding on to our anger about something that happened last week or last year in some way balances the equation. It is as if we are saying; if I give up my anger, I am letting him off the hook and I should hate that SOB forever. This is foolish.

16. If your spouse is going through a particularly stressful time, touch them. Their stress is your stress and touching them reduces both of your stress. This can be applied to anyone in your family. Some people can’t seem to spontaneously reach out and touch someone, but gentle affection is invaluable. You should be able to hug the people you care about, no matter what they are doing or feeling. This is good for them and for you.

17. Practice using supportive, soothing language at home. Remember a supportive home life is an important preventive for stress.

18. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. Stress management begins with your attitude about yourself.

19. Find yourself a good comedian who makes you laugh. Nurture them well because they are worth their weight in stress units. Buy their video, and laugh everyday. Laughter puts us in the mood for honesty. You are most beautiful when you laugh. If you don’t believe me, go out and find a playground where there are children playing, close your mouth and listen to them. They will teach you something about laughter.

20. If tragedy happens, feel it. Cry if you are sad. Cry for a day or a week, stop counting and cry. Stay in it as much as you need to. Think about how much you miss them, how you want to talk to them again, see them, touch them. Our mind seems to need this to heal. It may be painful beyond words, but it is necessary. Yes, it is stressful, but you will survive even if you don’t want to. This feeling is temporary and will go away eventually providing you release. Time heals.

21. When suddenly ill stricken, your new priorities should include a redefinition of what is normal for you. This is critical.

22. Do not be afraid to let your guard down. It may be that there is someone in your family you have not spoken to for awhile, and now it feels not only time to speak, but to offer support. This will mend broken relationships and reduce stress. It is not wrong to be humble, even weak, when the intentions are good.

23. Perhaps you have become the keeper of "things" rather than the keeper of your soul.

24. Every tear does not need to be medicated. You need your mind to get through this. The decision about when, and which medications to use, if any, should be carefully considered with a doctor. That alone may be the only medication you need.

25. Grief, and its associated stress, usually means sudden change. The person you were must fade and a new self must emerge.

26. You are not a victim of circumstance. As long as you can choose what to believe, value and trust, you are in control of your life.

27. You were healthy, perfect. Now you are not healthy - imperfect. Your body did not let you down intentionally. It is merely being fallible.

28. Alcohol consumption does not increase your ability to manage stress, it is the stressor. Simply put, it impairs your ability to think clearly and in high doses, will become your worst nightmare.

29. Make your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend laugh. Find out what they think is funny. If you don’t know, find out. There is something that can make them laugh and your job as a mate is to find out what that is.

30. You can interact with your illness (pain) in better or worse ways. Learn to be better by redefining what is important, for that is the better way.

31. Living in an unfair world means you can’t always expect the good to triumph, like on television.

32. There is something spiritual about deep tragic loss. Many people have visits from the loved one they have lost. Do not be afraid. This will pass and the memory of the vision will be a source of comfort to you.

33. Pain and illness can make us feel like a victim. You are not a victim, so stop believing so. Know that you still have a voice.

34. When you are sick, people who care about you may want to treat you with kid gloves. Encourage them (and give them permission) to treat you normally. When it takes you longer to get across the street, tell them to slow down, but not before.

35. Some homeless people wind up getting a job because they get tired of the stress of having nothing to worry about. You need to put things into perspective.

36. Is not having enough money a big source of stress for you? Realize this; most people are in the same boat, no matter how much money they have. Despite your perception, money is not a stress management solution.

37. Focusing for a few minutes a day on the moment in hand, transfers attention from the outside world to the inside world where your real strength lies.

38. Things are just things. Can you think of anything more important to think about than the things in your life? Look around you. What is important here?

39. If you think you don’t have time to sit quietly everyday for a few minutes, perhaps you need to revamp your schedule. or maybe even your life.

40. A man I knew got very depressed because his business took a sudden turn for the worse and he was about to loose everything. He was contemplating suicide because he had a huge life insurance policy and believed his wife, whom he loved deeply, would be better off with the money than his useless presence on earth. This is sad, selfish justification. No amount of money will replace a loved one - rich or poor.

41. Unfinished business with a lost loved one can often be done at their grave, later, when you are alone.

42. The admission that, yes, this has happened to me, is the first step in realizing that every man, woman, and child can get sick. That is the price for being alive. Accept and love your imperfect body.

43. Having a support network (family, friends, medical professionals) is extremely important in preventing and reducing stress.

44. Hope is an inside job.

45. If you are not sure whether you have a support network, you don’t. Start building relationships.

46. Since you are the problem, I think it is obvious where you should look for the solution.

47. Men especially have trouble accepting supportive care from people who love them. Man, Woman. Black, White. Rich, Poor - we all put pants on one leg at a time. Get over it.

48. Being strong and weak at the same time may seem impossible. However, weakness may be your strength.

49. You can still have a sense of well-being and contentment even when you are in pain or disabled. This is learned thinking and means redefining what is important you.

50. Stress from driving on the freeway to work everyday is due to the fact that your life is being threatened by statistical possibilities. This causes adrenalin to pour into the bloodstream, which causes the heart to race and blood pressure to go up. Consider alternate routes, even if it takes more time.

51. Certain stress in marriage comes from our attempts to change our spouse into someone we like better. While people do change, it rarely happens because of an urging spouse, nor does it last. You will get better results looking in the mirror.

52. Racist thinking happens. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it happens. Trying to convince a racist to change is an uphill battle, one that requires a huge amount of time and energy, with questionable results. Stress from racism is rampant. You can try to change them or you can do something more effective; modify your belief system.

53. Some things we can change; and some things we cannot. As the famous saying goes; God give me the strength to change those things I can change, the courage to accept those things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.

54. Believing we can change everything causes emotional stress; believing we cannot change anything causes depression; balance creates peace.

55. If you change what you believe, you will change what you feel. Used carefully, this simple technique yields immense reward.

56. Blaming other people for the way we feel has the net effect of exacerbating and prolonging the problem.

57. KISS (keep it simple stupid). Making life simpler is an art form and a job of the belief system.

58. Mindful Meditation is a technique to remind us that we don’t know what we are doing and that truth can be helpful in managing stress. It’s a technique well worth your time.

59. Money. Money. Money. More. More. More. Stress. Stress. Stress. This is a vicious circle. Step outside of yourself and love your spouse, play with your child, or pet the dog. They will reward and adore you if you simply enjoy being with them. If there something more important than that, I don’t know what it would be.

60. It is important to work, and important to eat healthy, but more importantly, done at different times.

61. Mindfulness is the process of refocusing your attention on what is most important now, and the realization that the past is a hopeless case. This is effective stress management.

62. Guilt, regret and shoulda-coulda-woulda are all made from the same cookie cutter. The past does not equal the future.

63. People may tell you to be strong. Do not always listen to this well-meaning advice, for in many cases weak is strong.

64. People who do not have a support network have higher mortality rates from most diseases. Embrace the people around you.

65. The difference between a stressful event and a challenging event is based on hope and the belief that you can do it.

66. People with high hopes are powerful and can withstand extraordinary amounts of stress because they don’t view desire as stress.

67. If you keep trying in the face of outrageous odds, you can accomplish outrageous things.

68. A common reaction to emotional stress is to alienate your support network. How sadly ironic is this?

69. Do you believe that you deserve a stress-free life? Many people believe that stress is necessary, and there in lies the problem.

70. The real question is whether or not you are truly willing to change. Establish that, and everything else will fall into place.

71. You believe you must get the boulder to the top of the hill, and so you push it to the top with sheer will power only to find there is no where to park it up there. And you must let it roll down to the bottom. You rest a few minutes and decide you will try one more time. Do you understand what I am trying to say here?

72. To get different results, something must change. What do you think that something is? This is not a multiple choice quiz; there is only one correct answer. You. It is not about the weather, your boss, your spouse, your kids, or your country.

73. Change your belief; change the event; it’s that simple. Interpretation is everything.

74. Whether it is clear to you, or not; whether you agree, or not; whether you understand or not; this is life and should not to be confused with stress.

75. The universe is unfolding right on schedule, exactly as it should. Peace, brother and sister.